Starting of my new beginnings!!!!
Nov 6, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RteLQj6BdOs

this is my story and welcome to it
[Music]
morning welcome to Monday
I am eating and running to my console
you put because
let's start this morning so I guess I'm
gonna be eating on the way normally do
that but we have no other choice at this
point so I'm just jumping down to the
house now I've got counseling and then
when I get out of counseling we have to
go to Walmart go get tapas for my babies
it was brought to my attention the other
day not in a bad way but just asking if
the babies are ready to be potty trained
because Omar will be four in February
and s role will be three in February and
I you know and I have I have that
question quite a few times so anyway you
know I don't take it offensively like
don't please don't who don't ever think
that I take things offensively because I
really don't I would rather people ask
that way I can tell right and rather
than assume and not know so anyways I
responded back and I was like you know
the way that I have been taught and
doing childcare for 24 years you know
you have to take so many courses of
training and you work with so many
different levels with kids you know
there's high functioning kids excuse me
high functioning kids kids that you know
struggle a little little bit more
but you know I've dealt with all ages of
children and in my studies you know at
the very first beginning when I very
first started at this point I was
helping with child care I was underage
[Music]
here in the state of work and you cannot
get certified until you are over the age
of eighteen which I did not start my own
childcare until my actual home childcare
I didn't start that until Ollie was here
from each other I had our own home
so anyways you know you had the typical
okay here two years old let's take your
you know your diaper in Africa start put
you in the potty
yada yada and you had lots of accidents
you had children crying you had
frustration from yourself and it just
you know altogether it made the
experience so unenjoyable for both parts
for the child and for us as the ones
doing him
and so it pretty much sucked the joy out
of pottage having a child and you know
we had some children that I'm hey I'm
laying we had some children that are
some parents that wanted us to like
potty-trained their kids that like a
year and a half old and clearly I you
know none of us thought that these kids
were ready to be potty trained to be
here and how hold like come on but we
did it because we were asked to the
children can't even talk at that age to
tell us that they have to go to the
restroom and needless to say we weren't
have ever successful on getting a child
of a year half old to be potty trained
just because of the dynamic and the
atmosphere and the environment and
everything else involved
so anyways but we would start the kids
when we thought that age was appropriate
for them to be potty trained and over
the years of time they have done studies
and has come to find out that honestly
potty training should be led up to the
child the child will know when they're
ready to potty train and guaranteed
those child children will not
in a diaper so they're gonna come to a
point in their age of life where they're
not going to want a diaper on anymore
and they're gonna want to use the toilet
like everybody else so to answer the
question about am I going him you know
is Omar Ness or getting ready to be
potty trained they will be potty trained
when they show signs that they're ready
ezra has been showing a little bit more
interest in asking to sit on the potty
she has not went yet on the actual
toilet
she went once I have a potty chair I
stuck it away it's in the closet now
because I really don't want them to use
the potty chair but when I very very
very first started thinking to introduce
it I bought a potty chair that looked
like a big potty chair and
and she sat on it once and she went
number two but I think that it was an
accident think she deliberately went
because she looked at me my t-shot that
something something occurred in that
little toilet hole and so I don't think
she meant to go and she's never went
since I mean but she'll ask to like sit
on the potty and I always take her you
know when we talk and we sing and we
read books and all that and I turn on
the water a little bit and my dribble
water on her leg you know I do
everything but no she doesn't want yet
Omar
mm-hmm I'll say do you want to go sit on
the toilet you like now why don't we
sounds like okay so what is the point in
fighting a child that's not clearly
ready they don't want to do it why are
you gonna fight your why are you gonna
put yourself through that and why are
you gonna make it a traumatic event when
it's something that's so just easy you
know and for me I don't mind changing my
kids I don't have a problem changing
their diapers you know I I prayed for
these babies for so long
ask God to give me children and I was
blessed three times that I would never
have a problem changing any of those
little blessings but because if I didn't
have a but to change I wouldn't have
them so for me and two different
standpoints one being that I have in you
know Ivan dirt fertility issues and
really had to work hard for Omar and
with Jeremiah you know it was a miracle
in itself that you know that I got
blessed with him but with Omar it was a
work it was you know we worked hard for
him and there was a lot of you know
emotional rollercoaster up and downs and
you know a loss of an another baby
before him you know so for me I will
take every
everything I can if it means that I get
to have my children so for me I don't
take those things for granted because I
enjoy knowing that I have diapers to
change and I have children to deal with
and sometimes when my days are hard and
I just want to run away I remind myself
on those days
think about Amy if if they weren't here
you wouldn't be frustrated you wouldn't
be having these moments of wanting to
run away so would you rather have those
moments for temporary to be able to
enjoy having children or is it better to
not have to deal with that and have to
deal with never having kids
and the answer is obviously I would
rather be insane for a short amount of
time to enjoy having babies that I can
call my own and so that is kind of my
little explanation to why I let my
children potty train when they're ready
I'm not it's it's it shouldn't be a war
between you and the child about potty
train it should be something that's fun
and exciting and something that you know
you guys can look back on as they get
older and they can you know remember the
the funny moments of being potty trained
and stuff and you know sometimes I hear
stories of parents saying well when my
kid had an accident you know I remember
I would stick him in the cold shower and
spray him down with ice-cold water and I
would just listen to him like
why whoa what would be the purpose in
that is that really how people really
truly parent and potty-trained their
children like to me that's a form of
abuse that's that's how I see it you
know other people say well I take em out
front and I hose them down with a hose
and it's like why why cause trauma to a
child over potty training it shouldn't
be that hard it shouldn't be something
that the fun is taken out of and I think
sometimes that's that's the sad thing
about today's world is that I feel like
so many opportunities that you can make
such a great memory is made so sour
because life is so hectic all the time
now it I feel like the world is just go
go go go go go go go go go go go and so
you never stop to just embrace the
moment and part of that embracing the
moment is also embracing the things that
might not be a hundred percent enjoyable
but at the same time it's what's gonna
make you and your child and the memory
so much more special so anyways that's
my rant um I am gonna go it is
10:57 so I'm gonna go and check in with
my counselor and see what good stuff we
have to talk about today and then I will
check in with you guys afterwards and
just so you guys know I have if I can
grab it
I had no tea meal for breakfast but I
didn't finish it so anyways I'll check
him with you guys in a little bit I have
clearly been home I came home after
counselling but I was on the phone the
doctor's office so I couldn't sleep
couldn't switch over to tell you guys
about my counseling session which I'll
save that and talk more to you guys
about it tonight but
I came home and then mean all he went
and got a drink really quick hold on a
minute do you guys feel like a mother
when you're like anyways so I came home
picked up all the the kids we wouldn't
go to drink which today I just got a
grande with one pump of a one shot not
to you and now we are gonna run we have
to run to a store I don't know exactly
what store but something something to do
with his business
huh okay hold on just make David anyways
and then after that we're gonna go to
pick up Maya and then come home yeah
today I'm feeling amazing but all of a
sudden about an hour ago the back of my
leg started itching really bad again so
I'm just like oh no no no no no he's not
going to be doing this so I looked and I
didn't see anything but I don't know I
hope to god it isn't something brewing
underneath there again because I mean
I'm already on antibiotics I don't know
how much more the antibiotics they can
give me to kill whatever it is going on
in there huh yeah it's from the paint
it's okay so anyways so we're just gonna
go and run those few
I don't know I asked you you said you
put in those the safe Monday night it is
that easy meantime it has clearly been
quite a while since I checked in with
you guys I came home and took a nap
which I haven't taken a nap in a long
time like like a really good like solid
sleep something I needed to catch up on
I swear had me up at five o'clock this
mine I was so tired but it's just you
know when you have that hour change it
messes everything up even if it's adding
an hour or subtracting an hour that hour
just triggers everything off and it's
like come on
so I mean even my own like schedule is
like weird so she had me put five and
then she end up falling back to sleep
around 7:00 and sleeping for like
another hour but I was already up so
I've literally been up since 5:00 so I
was so tired I just told all I was like
like I have to get some sleep
so I did I crawled onto my bed and I was
out and he came in and at some point put
my blankets on me and I was so then I
was warm and toasty and so then I really
slept so I slept for like a good three
hours but I think my body really needed
especially after fighting such a big
amount of infections I think that it was
just like okay you need some rest
so I got to sleep and catch up on some
rest my leg is doing a hundred percent
better oh I think everybody for all of
your thoughts and prayers and messages
this has been really tough for me this
time and the reason I think it was
harder this time than had an outbreak
like this is because this time
I've been so much more active so having
that taken away from me where I don't
feel like I can be active it really
sucked like I was just I felt like I
almost felt like a failure and that's
not I don't want to feel like that and
so for me it was really hard like I had
a really hard time just realizing that
no matter what I have to take time to
let my body heal and do what it needed
to do and especially because my body
wasn't only fighting the infection with
my leg it was fighting my UTI and and
everything else that I think it just all
together my body was just it had way way
too much going on for it and I just kept
seeing the word failure across my like
in my vision I just kept seeing failure
failure failure and I was just like no I
don't want to retrack back to that I
don't want to be that failure I don't
want to give up because I have goals in
sight you know and I have things that I
want to accomplish how am I supposed to
do that if I'm laid up because of being
sick and so it was just so frustrating
to me to deal with that time where I had
to take time down you know and not allow
so I just had to keep reminding myself
like you're not a failure Amy you know
this is unfortunate that this has
happened but we're gonna brush her knees
off and we're gonna get up and we're
going to continue on this journey that
we've chosen to take and you're also
going to learn during this time that
you're gonna respect your body and what
it needs and so as I kept telling myself
that it just it helped and then when I
weighed myself on Saturday and I seen
that I lost 4 pounds it was even more of
a confirmation I guess that I'm not a
failure and that I you know just have to
take sorry you guys I'm yawning and so
bizarre
but I just have to take it step for stop
and you know I know in my heart I'm not
a failure and I know in my heart that
you know it's just gonna take time but
that I'm gonna get back to normal and
even when I was in my most pain and when
I wanted to just you know crawl in a
hole and cry I pushed forth and went and
walked and exercise still I didn't let
pain hold me back because I've always
allowed something to hold me back from
something I wanted to achieve in life
and now it's like mmm that's just not
the way Amy works anymore I so I'm I'm
really confident that the infection is
starting to really clear up I've been
taking my antibiotics like I'm supposed
to which is very unlike me I don't take
all my antibiotics usually I don't take
it the way I'm supposed to I you know
I'll take some a couple days and then
I'll just like forget a couple days you
know and so I but this time around I was
like no I'm gonna take my antibiotics
like I'm supposed to you know I'm gonna
stay eating healthy so that way then my
could keep getting the nutrients so that
I need to make my body feel good and and
so because of all of that I think my
body is just healing so much better and
faster so yeah I'm not running a fever
I'm not my leg like the swelling is
still there but I think they say that
that could take almost a month for the
swelling to really start working itself
out because what it is is the the tissue
in the leg from the cellulitis cause
cellulitis affects the the tissue so in
return what happens is is it attacks the
tissue and so right now all that tissue
that is inside my leg has been attacked
so now it has to rebuild itself back up
so all of that has been basically under
trauma so now I have to allow my body to
replenish itself and rebuild you know
the tissue back up in my leg and
to push that old nasty tissue that's
been attacked out so I mean it's gonna
take a little while for my my legs to
get back to where you know they feel
comfortable but at least I think the
infection is under control now and I
don't have a fever and that's all like
plusses for me so that is that is that
about my my health and then I also just
wanted to thank everybody for all the
amazing messages about me becoming a
survivor out of being a victim and you
know today during counseling it was such
an amazing visit with my counselor
because today when I came in to the
counseling office I didn't come in as a
victim I came in as a strong woman that
is going to own this whole situation and
not allow others to own me and keep me
captive in their misery and in their
guilt and I'm going to finally be free
of all of this and as I shared these
things with my counselor I just felt so
good because I feel so free
I don't okay okay we'll make Shan a
minute okay I just feel so relieved and
so free and so light and it's such an
amazing thing to sit here now and think
back about into you know incidents that
have happened in my past that I didn't
have control over and say I am no longer
that victim I am now a survivor and it's
oh my gosh the feeling of being able to
say I am a survivor is the most amazing
I think I could ever fill and these
people will never ever ever control my
feelings my heart or control how much I
feel worthy because I know how worthy I
am okay hold on and I know that out of
their guilt is why they had the
responses they did with the letter and
they're the ones that have to live the
rest of their lives with that in their
heart I don't I don't have to and I
won't so because of that I was able to
turn that page of the chapter and write
the end and I don't have to look back on
that as as a bad thing now I can look
back at it as a building thing but not
look back at it as bringing back bad
memories because it's not even it's it's
such a different level and that's what's
so weird is that just a couple days ago
when I would look back on that it was a
pain it caused pain now when I look back
at it it's like I see the pain that was
there and I see the pain that it had
caused but it doesn't cause me pain no
more like it's a total different feeling
so it's just I don't know it's amazing
but I want to thank everybody for all of
the messages that you guys have sent me
I am trying to get back to everybody
it's been so overwhelmingly special that
my story is really getting out there and
touching so many people because that is
my whole point this is my whole goal and
I cannot believe the amount of people
that I also have shared this journey
with that had been molested or abused or
taken advantage of and I didn't have
any clue because I always thought I was
alone and now it's like wow I have a I
have a huge a huge community of people
that have also went through these things
that I've went through so I know I'm not
alone and knowing now that I'm a
survivor out of being a victim is so
freeing and I hope and I hope and I hope
that I can help others become survivors
and not to continue to feel like the
victim because I the being a victim is
the worst feeling you could ever feel
because it's being a victim is allowing
the person that hurt you to continue to
control you control your feelings your
your mental part your emotions they
control everything so once you become
that survivor they have no more control
and that's when it really switches on
them because then they learn and they
find out they've lost all control
because now you're not at their level of
you're not at that point in your life
anymore where you allow them to have
those feelings in your mind that you are
all these bad things because now when
you're a survivor you don't look at it
in the same picture it's a total
different view and that's where I'm at
today and I am just so grateful that
I've been able to share this experience
with you guys because it is one of the
biggest things in my life that I could
ever ever that I could ever imagine
going through and I would never ever
ever want to share it with anybody other
than you guys and you know one thing
that my aunt said and it was pointed out
to her through biker babe
she said my aunt said well how dare you
say this to the whole world to people
that you that are strangers and like
biker babe said we're not strangers were
your friends we're here for you just
like you're here for us and that's right
you guys are
strangers and I would never imagine you
guys to be strangers and so she's so
wrong but again that shows how much they
know me and how much they keep up with
me is not knowing that this channel has
become such an akuna t of friends that
were not strangers to each other we
share we share personal stories with
each other we are you know we have
walked some really long roads with each
other just in the short amount of time
that we've been all on this you know
channel but I think that we have gained
such a great bond between all of us that
it just makes life so much better and
easier to share things so anyways I am
going to close if you can tell my child
needs to go to bed but I definitely just
wanted to check in with you guys and let
you know how the rest of the day went
since I wasn't able to really checking
with you earlier um tomorrow we have to
go down to Eugene so we're gonna be
taking a little bit of a longer drive
which will be nice give us a little
scenery drive so I'll check in with you
guys there show you guys around a little
bit maybe and then we're gonna go
grocery shopping after that because we
really need to go grocery shopping but
other than that that's pretty much I
don't think we have anything else
planned because I'll probably pretty
much take our day up so anyways I want
to thank all of the new subscribers that
have joined our channel I haven't said
that for a while and it has not gone it
has not gone on an noticed that my
channel is definitely growing and it is
making me so happy to see so many more
amazing people joining our community of
amazing people and I just want to
continue to say thank you to all of my
loyal YouTube friends and family and
amazing people that you guys all are for
sticking through all of this with me and
being the strength sometimes that I need
be
you guys have really got me through some
really rough times and I could not like
I said imagine going through this with
anybody else other than you guys and so
I just really want to continue to say
thank you so much for all of that you
guys have done for me and all the new
subscribers please feel free to always
comment ask questions intervene message
comment everything I want to hear from
everybody this is an open community of
people we share stories and I'm always
there for everybody I added in my
description my snapchat um
name I think I don't know what it's
called but my snapchat name which is
just Amy Ramadan so if you have snapchat
add me I'm always on snapchat it's
probably more or less what I am always
on but I do snapchat and then all my
other social media platforms are also in
my description my email is in there as
well so if there's ever a time that you
need to reach out and talk to me in
private
feel free to always pass me a message
through any of those social media
platforms I will receive them either way
Twitter I do have a Twitter but I never
I'm on it I don't know why I just never
catch my Twitter but I'm on everything
else
so anyways with that I'm just gonna
close because my son needs to go in at
night he's getting a little wild but I
hope you guys enjoyed this today and I
will check in with you guys tomorrow
bright and shiny in the morning until
then you guys sweet dreams bye